Waterboarding the English Language

AP Headline:  "Economy Declining but Recession Abating."

Eh?

Sure, there's a way to defend the Dali-esque logic of that,  but only for Econogeeks who keep a copy of Samuelson on their night stands.  It probably means that  the economy sucks and will continue to do so but isn't sucking  badly enough  this week to meet whatever offical definition of "recession" Geithner is using these days.

I think the writer was simply obeying an old cub-reporter notion that obscurity is a sure sign of a subtle and profound mind. Good copy desks killed crap like that immediately. The crusty old fart in the green eye shades probably would have changed it to   "You're Still getting Screwed, Only  Slower."

(Ms. Whiskbottom in Standards &  Practices would have bowdlerized it a bit.)

 

Need calories!

Idyllic weather graced my part of the world today, and I took full advantage. The John Deere 318 earned its keep pushing huge piles of oak leaves. I added some muscle, some seed, and some lawn fertilizer in an effort to make up for a couple years of yard neglect. I don't expect any horticultural awards, but it makes me feel better.

And hungrier. I finally decided on scratch spaghetti,  and if I can't eat about two and one-half pounds of it I'll kiss your arse in front of the Washington Monument and give you a half-hour to assemble a congressional fact-finding panel to watch.

An American Dream

Three hundred miles east of the Somali coast, pirates attack and capture a cargo ship flying the Stars and Stripes and manned by Americans. The word spreads, and the U.S. Navy  sternly warns that it is aggressively trying to decide what to do. In Washington, the Obama White House is issues two press releases, one  reporting that the President will monitor the situation and another confirming that he is bravely  monitoring the situation.

Meanwhile, 20 America merchant seamen aboard the  decide they don't need no steenken Navy, nor White House either. They  arose  like the spirit of John Paul Jones to capture the pirate leader and send his fellow sea thugs scampering.

Spot news reports this hour say that is exactly what is happening, give or take a few trivial nuances. So may we honor our private enterprise sailors above all.  This is the stuff of legend. 

We might also kill a little time  writing to the Pentagon and the White House. Tell the fellows that we possess a navy and its commander-in-chief for reasons other than handwringing indecision. I mean, like, we ain't French.

EDIT: Looks like one of those nuances is the captain bobbing about in  a small boat, hostage of the three pirates who got away.

 

Lift dat barge, Uncle.

Why in Hell do we do all the heavy lifting?

STRASBOURG, France (AP) – European leaders pledged at NATO's 60th-anniversary summit Saturday to send thousands of soldiers and police to train Afghanistan's army and secure its coming elections, but they shied far from matching America's pledge to dispatch a large number of new combat forces.