It's Obama by a nose

A breathless bulletin out of Copenhagen announces His Obamaness finally gave away enough of the store to get a "climate" agreement out of China, India, and a couple of well known also-rans. No details for us peasants because "it hasn't been announced yet."

The President spent the entire day in a near panic to get something -- damned near anything -- written down so he could sign it. Keystone Kops diplomacy.

I'll bet he or a minion calls it a learning moment, and so it is, a moment in which we learn He is far more interested in meeting artificial deadlines than creating useful policy. Assuming the rest of the Denmark giggle group goes along, The Obama will soon be able to announce a victory, and the adoring press will do the rest for him.

If there isn't at least one major story in the next couple of days worshipping him for jerking victory from the jaws of defeat, I'll kiss your ass on a rowboat in front of The Little Mermaid and loan you my camera to record the moment.

The Libertarian Party

I love my Big-L Libertarian friends, roly-poly puppies so cute you don' t even care that they pee on the carpet a lot. Howard Stern. Bob Barr. And an institutional prose style which is both Frank and Earnest.

I hadn't checked their official news site for a long time but just saw that they've taken to reporting in every press release that Libertarians make up "the third largest political party in America."

If I happen to be running an empty bar room when Bill Gates and Warren Buffet step in for a beer, I am the third richest man in the joint.

Theatrical hopes abandoned

I bit down too hard on an ill-popped kernel last week and crunched a canine, increasing my tattoo:tooth ratio. It had been questionable for a long time. The break and its aftermath were painless. I can still chew a three-dollar steak.

So I decided that since it's about time for a "Deliverance" remake, I should just call up a Hollywood agent and announce my availability to be one of the guys sittin' and whittlin' and spittin' while the banjo answers the guitar.

Then I decided naawww. Smilin' is too much fun. I see my dentist in an hour.

How regrettably bourgeois of me.

Evil Morning Growl

Hi, My name is Jim and I am a Mediacom customer.

This is the sixth day of either no email or squirrelly, as in delivery delays of up to 24 hours, total loss, duplicates, and bounceback of personal mail as spam.

This occurs after copious smiley-face announcements from Mediacom promising that transition to its new and improved email system would be like political ethics, that is, barely noticeable.