The Associated Press Wins

All criticism of AP is hereby suspended until further notice because of Richard

Alonso-Zalvidar and his editor who report this morning that His Obamness' pants are on fire, or at least smoldering badly. For wonderment, the news in in the lead:

Buyers, beware: President Barack Obama says his health care overhaul will lower premiums by double digits, but check the fine print.

In the nicest possible way the story details what we all know: The President is slinging bullshit, counting on the euphony of his practiced sound bites to trump his inattention to fact. It is a recommended read.

----

If I ever get around to writing my bodice ripper, I will, of course, portray the noble but misunderstood privateer captain as myself. My most faithful ally will be a gentleman of Castille, cast out of all Iberia for thoughtcrime against the Church and the Crowns. His name shall be Ricardo Alonso-Zalvidar. No other culture can match the Spanish for creating male names which march so nobly across the tongue.

Together we will sweep the seas of James Taggart's robber ships and, in the end, march ashore to destroy the looters. With victory in our hands, our second matter of civil priority will be to install John Galt as the first President (Provisional) of the Reorganized Republic of Latter Day Objectivists of the United States of America. (Our first order of business, obviously, will be official reinstatement of the Constitution of 1787. )

Creating the female lead has been troublesome. I first looked to the armed libertarian blog world due to the comeliness of its lasses. But could I motivate suspension of disbelief with Abby or Brigid or Johanna or Roberta or Tam in the obligatory scene the fair damsel swooning on the deck of of a Taggert frigate, tattered and trembling in agony at the thought of virtue about to be lost to the to the oily Commodore Wesley Mouch of The People's Naval Squadron?

I fear not. I fear that before I could leap from my quarterdeck to to the rescue, Mouch and all his henchmen would be draped bloodily across stancions, his would-be victim cooly fanning away the smoke from her flintlock. That would make the incomparable me quite superfluous, and that is simply unthinkable.

St. Patrick's Day, 2010

May every reader possess a lorica, spiritual and secular.

When toilets are outlawed...

Most of us are suspicious of laws destroying a citizen's Second Amendment rights for domestic spats petty enough to draw only a misdemeanor charge. For one thing, any motivated evildoer can find all the weapons she needs right around the house.

I was taken, however, with the creativity shown by one Ms. Johnson of Iowa City who is charged with domestic assault and interference with official acts.

"Johnson's sister and her sister's husband told police that Johnson, who had been living with them for the past two months, removed the toilet tank lid and struck her sister during an altercation."

A Constitutional Response to the Census

Some thought went into the decision to fill in part of the census form. The citizen at this address will report his name and the fact that no others reside here permanently. This meets the need for congressional apportionment data.

Everything else smacks of bureaucratic meddling, such as wondering if I own it or rent it and whether I owe money on it or not. because:

"Asked since 1890. Homeownership rates serve as an indicator of the nation's economy. The data are also used to administer housing programs and to inform planning decisions."

Thank you very much, but my housing program was to save up some money and buy one, or rent one, or whatever, making the details none of your business, President Obama. And I plan to continue planning to make my own planning decisions. And the economy sucks even if you happen to find out I'm in decent enough shape.

The government also wants my sex because:

"...many federal programs must differentiate between males and females for funding, implementing and evaluating their programs. For instance, laws promoting equal employment opportunity for women require census data on sex. Also, sociologists, economists, and other researchers who analyze social and economic trends use the data."

Sociologists, economists and other researchers can ask for my sex in person if they really want it, and I reserve the right to say "yes," "no," or "You can whistle, can't you?"

I also won't say whether I'm Hispanic or not because it's none of Joe Biden's business and because how the Hell do I know if Great-Great-Grandma Grove dallied with a Mexican lad behind the barn then quick like a flash married my great-great grandpa?Same with the next question, on race.

The government closes out its queries by wondering if I sometimes stay somewhere else. Why all the creepy curiosity about who I sleep with?