Iowa State is a land-grant university with three over-riding goals, to wit:
--(a) Teach lads to efficiently grow more row crops than they can profitably sell on the open market.
--(b) Instruct the same lads in means of extorting sufficient taxpayer money to guarantee themselves handsome profits for the unsellable goods mentioned in (a).
--(c) Provide low-level entertainment to the rural masses via wholly-owned subsidiaries playing football and basketball.
Therein comes comes the crisis. Iowa State is a member of the Big 12 athletic conference which seems to be on the verge of going toes up. The sky is falling. What to do?
Why, son, go talk to the federal government in the persons of your senators Grassley (R) and Harkin (D) who have each taken this thing seriously and issued profound statements on the matter.
I'm especially anxious to see reports of President Obama's reaction to this Heartland drama. Certainly his good friend Sen. Harkin will alert him to the national danger of the Cyclones not having a conference to play in.
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Is nothing beneath demands for federal action?