Spin it, Somalia!

I certainly share Kurt's sympathy for the Somali people  who aren't getting their customary dainties at the post-sundown feasts of Ramadan.

Shortly after he posted, I ran across a later story. The sane world sent food to a Somali refugee camp. Somali soldiers were on hand to guard the supplies but decided to steal them instead. Hungry civilians protested, so the soldiers shot them dead.

Vile, of course, but I don't think it's the real story.

The country's president and prime minister rushed to the camp and planned to speak to journalists.

This marks progress. Somali politicians are learning from from the great democracies. When things go to Hell; when your citizens are starving; when your army mows down your people, why, the thing to do is organize a press conference. Call it the Al Sharpton solution.

Terror in the Morning

The Headline:

Escalating global fears send stocks  plunging


Personally, I decline to escalate my fear because  I've been soiling small clothes at at alarming rate for about four years now.  Enough is enough.

And if you're looking for a talking point, the world's commercial exchanges have plunged more in the few days since we avoided default than they did in the week prior.

By Royal Command

Two identical envelopes arrived in the morning post. Two commands from the halls of the mighty. In large block letters I am directed to OPEN IMMEDIATELY.

Go to Hell.

They contain demands for my annual tribute for permission to own my vehicles and trailers.  Today is August 3. The licenses expire September 30. A statutory grace period delays actual delinquency and penalty until October 31.

My masters are getting cash-flow savvy.  If they can cow me into paying 88 days early, they collect interest and I lose it. Tough luck, citizen.

I know. We're taking about maybe 17 cents cash management advantage, but principle, man, principle. Also entertainment value.

I'll put the still-sealed envelopes into the tickler file. About Oct. 28 I'll stop by the court house and submit in person. I like making the tax collector get her upholstered butt out of her  upholstered chair and actually deal with one of the proles who paid for them.

Gee, it's not even lunch time and I've already committed an act of wanton disrespect to a bureaucrat. Feels quite good, actually.

Little Abigail, Only 4 Years Old and Already An Enemy of the State

There's a picture of this diabolical  4-year-old  here, along with an explanation of why her lemonade stand was shut down as a menace to the safety and tranquillity of Coralville. Some background:

Coralville is the spawn and sprawl of Iowa City, home of the University of Iowa in the county widely referred to as the Johnson SSR.

RAGBRAI is awkward letter salad for the Des Moines "Register's Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa."  It began in 1973 as a lark for two good writers on the Register payroll. It grew to  attract thousands of riders and the greed of every hamlet it traverses. I mean, this thing  sells papers and makes big money. If you run a seedy bar along the way, RAGBRAI makes your year.

This year the route traversed Coralville, and a number of little kids there decided to pick up some change. What could be more American than such a spirit of entrepreneurship centered on bicycles and lemonade stands under the hot summer sun? For cryng out loud, that's Norman Rockwell's America.

Ambitious Abby enlisted her dad, a medical student, to help. She sold about five bucks worth of lemonade at 25 cents per before the forces of law and order swooped down.

She did not have a special two-day RAGBRAI permit, costing $400, to sell her treats. Officer Friendly came -- and he was friendly, according to reports. He was also  a little embarrassed by this particular crime-fighting assignment. He told her, "The Law is the Law."

So where did this contribution to American criminology come from?  Why, from the good taxpaying merchants of Coralville, who, of course are merely looking after your  personal well-being.

"Josh Schamberger, president of the Iowa City/Coralville Convention and Visitors Bureau, said the ordinance was passed to protect riders from possible health risks."

Pardon the vulgarity, Josh, but do you really expect anyone to swallow that shit?

We could have retained a bit of respect for you had you reported accurately, "We were scared stiff that every quarter in Little Abby's pocket was a quarter out of ours. We sort of view a quarter in someone else's pocket as a personal insult." 

There's nothing wrong with your greed as such. You become a vile excuse for a man only when you spew banalities about protecting the public while pressuring your political allies to write laws which permit only you to earn a profit.

Which brings us to your servants on the public payroll. In another source:

"Police Chief Police Chief Barry Bedford ...  said Monday that he feels bad about shutting down the stands, but he said the ordinance is in place to prevent “renegade vendors” from setting up stands without paying the vendor fee and profiting from RAGBRAI. "

It's probably crass to wonder just how bad Chief Bedford feels since Chief Bedford wrote the ordinance.

Oh well. It's  over and we need to move on.

No, wait. There's more. Stand by for a followup report on the state revenue authorities raiding Abby's house with a warrant to confiscate the unpaid 7 per cent sales tax. I mean, 35 cents there, 35 cents there, and pretty soon you're talking real money.

I suppose one permanent result is an Abby with a fear-filled respect for the law, all law. This is a good thing indeed, isn't it?