Why we're broke, except for Utah

If Utaht you saw the national MasterCard go a little more over limit recently, you were right.

It somehow came to the attention of the National Science Foundation that things can get a little dry in Deseret. Nice catch, and a perfectly good reason to shovel an extra $20 million  in "research" money to the considerable spawn of Joseph Smith. Utah tax-troughers are giddy with the intellectual challenge. For instance:



"Most of Utah's precipitation falls as snow. As a result, the project will focus on how changing mountain snowpack affects water supplies for the state's growing communities, officials said."


We anxiously await the results of this research, and I submit that we'll all need Valium to cope with the shock of learning that when it snows more in the mountains, Utah gets more water. Another $20 million might extend our knowledge to undertanding that less snow produces less water.

Please notice the words "focus" in the quotation above and "specifically" in this one:

"It will look specifically at watersheds, infrastructure and technology."


if we parse it out we face a single-minded concentration -- which is the meaning of "focus" in this context -- on mountain snow and equally laser-like aiming at "watersheds, infrastructure, and technology."

A definition or three adds clarity:

--Watersheds: Every gawddam valley and divide in the state, from the beautiful Bear River to the tiniest dry wash down south in the multiwife kingdoms.

--Infrastructure:  Farms, roads, power plants, bus stations. buildings, airports, ski lifts, temples, brine shrimp warehouses, railroads, visitors centers.

--Technology: Everything with a 110--volt AC connection and/or a battery. Such an an iPod to message  Orrin Hatch that $20 million may not be enough to "focus"  on and "look specifically" at all that stuff, so send more money and if you do we might vote for you again.

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it's a jobs program for a few academics, government "public information" specialists,  assorted bureaucrats, and journalists who turn a pretty good buck uncritically  passing along thin rewrites of federal, state, and local government gobbledygook headed, "For Immediate Release!"


But, on second thought, perhaps I err. After all, we have the governor's explanation that it is, ta-da, a public/private partnership.


Gov. Gary Herbert said. "This public-private collaboration among so many educational, industry and government partners in tackling a key factor in long-term economic growth and quality of life is another example of our state's can-do approach."


If you want to interpret that as a promise the swag will be divvied up among all  varieties of looters, why, I guess I sure won't editorialize against you.

Seen four, seen 'em all

I'm reminded by my teevee that Ted Turner is not to be totally despised. Flashing through the channels on a brief hydration break, I stopped at TCM because, there on my screen, were Marilyn Monroe AND Jane Russell in some '50s moom pitcher show. Perhaps 90 seconds later I clicked it off in favor of going out again to the mid-day sun where I am sawing an old blackboard into ten-inch squares. They will replace the badly broken tiles under the wood burner.

Close call. Both Jane and Marilyn. Right here in my living room. But the decision stands, a reflection of my character and work ethic. And if any of youse guys  mutter something like naaaah or advancing years, I won't like you any more.

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I'm getting to like "hydrate." It sounds a lot more cool and tactical than "drink."

Oh, what horrific Candy

You haven't seen my three little essays on the Batman massacre. Two of them are in draft, desperately seeking focus. The other one has been dismissed to the ether as utter bullshit.

But you can see this one because it has Candy Crowley in it. I knew Candy Crowley, and if name-dropping doesn't justify a post, nothing does.

Candy was on local teevee, reading news to a medium market.  Off duty she occupied her time being an insufferable bitch. Let it be said, however, that she was a gorgeous insufferable bitch, and that would account for Ted Turner calling her up to the majors. She's been there ever since, a nice fit with the CNN view that if it ain't Left it ain't right. And I suppose that helps account for her continued presence, post beauty.

Sic transit hourglass. I mean, just figuratively speaking. But teevee pandering endures forever.

I caught a brief snatch of her this morning as she interviewed John McCain.* She was being shocked and horrified that the Aurora killer was able to purchase (and here her jaw drops, her eyes go wide, and she enunciates ever syllable precisely) six. thou. sand. rounds. of. am.mu.ni.tion. car.tridges. ov. er. the. IN.TER.NET. !

She didn't approve of the drum magazine, either. Or the "bomb-making supplies." Taken altogether, she thought that we must find a way to spy out everyone with 6,000 rounds,**  a big  jammy magazine, and/or a small tank of propane.

Candy, you twit, did it ever occur to you that you might reserve your public display of injured horror for that which you know something about?

At the simplest level, the internet is the worst possible place to equip yourself for terror. There's a paper trail, the credit card, the IP address, the delivery records. You can get everything you need at WalMart or Farm Fleet Supply. Walk in. Pick up what you need. Pay cash. Walk out.

And the "tear" gas. We need to track people who buy gas or its percursers.  I know it may seem a bit tyrannical to put everyone guilty of possessing a gallon of bleach and a quart of ammonia on the no-fly list. But it's for the children.

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**I don't remember what McCain said. It doesn't matter.

**Put your hands down. They are watching.

Colorado

It isn't hugely important , and some people will find it insensitive to bring it up so soon after the Batman massacre. But, since reporters and editors get paid to relay  coherent information:

CNN has said several times that the shooter was armed with "an AK-47-type weapon, and a rifle, and two handguns."

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Mayor Bloomberg is, quite unexpectedly, not worried about an appearance of insensitivity. He was immediately in the papers and on the air with his standard demand that police confiscate the firearms of everyone who did not shoot up a theatre last night.