A nice handgun is better, but

Fellow named Fred was misbehaving in Fuquay-Varina, North Carolina, the other day. Armed robbery, carjacking, hit-run,  and some other stuff you might expect from a 30-year-old  guy on probation and with a rap sheet going back first Clinton Administration.

Finally he sought to acquire  a fresh car in a Harris-Teeter parking lot with no down payment or annoying paper work.  Someone objected by whapping him up longside his haid with a frozen turkey. Fred's hospitalization ensued. Local cops called the citizen's method unusual but seemed to approve.

Thinking about this:

--I do not  object to law-abiding citizens going armed with a frozen Butterball, but I think I'll  cling to the old SW59; fits inside the jeans better; warmer, too.

--Try saying "Fuqua-Varina, North Carolina" with a beat a few times. Then, dammit,  P------, try  to quit saying it.

(On the strength of this newsbeat, P------ is hereby appointed  The McGee Reader official correspondent for Appalachia, but, please, Dear, no more syncopated locales.) 

http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/4020689/