Dec 26, 2011

Advice to young men

Written as I button up the place for a short holiday trip. The house sitter and her puppy  ("Sic," of large German heritage, including a 1939-ish German personality) are on the way.

Assembling the pocket things I carry on the road, it occurred to me that I might pass on a serious word or two of counsel to young folks venturing out into the civilized world of 21st Century America.

1. Never flash money. A wad tempts the morons who still believe American Federal Reserve Cartoons are worth stealing. They tend to be armed, if only with shanks they learned about watching "Lockup." It's better to look not worth bothering about as you pay for your Coke in the convenience store.  If you must carry large cash in a money clip, shield the 20s and 50s with a fews ones on the outside. (A side note on linguistics. This is the reverse of the "Kansas City Wad.")

2.  A good place for your real wallet is locked away in your vehicle.  When I'm in on the street in Injun Country like Washington, D.C. or Illinois, I like to carry a fancy one of imitation leather holding a couple of long-expired credit cards, six ones,  two fives,  and home-made IDs saying my name is Newton Perry Bachmann and listing an address at least 100 miles from Camp J.

3. Dress is a challenge. You want to look respectable enough to get decent treatment from the clerks and bureaucrats with whom you must deal but, again, too poor to  look profitable to the lurking goblin in the parking lot. I tend to go with clean jeans past their prime,  dirty tennies, and a completely noncommttal shirt. Mustard is a nice color for the latter.  (Avoid new Air Jordans at any cost.)

All this -- plus trying to keep my head out of my butt  --  helps my confidence that the .45 can stay comfortably hidden. Having one is a comfort. Using it exposes a guy to all sorts of inconvenience.

Happy trails.



SpeakerTweaker said...

Well said, sir. Linked all up on the Facebooks.


Jim said...

Thanks, Tweaker. And a Happy New Year to you and yours.