Both primary heirs and assigns are shortly to cross deep salt water. One will explore chocolates, beer, and very large horses. The other will don a nice suit and necktie in defense of the good ol' American way of life. So I've just messaged one of them:
"What are your travel dates? I can't decide whether I prefer having both of my kids beyond the (residual ) protections of the U.S. Constitution at the same time or having the anxiety prolonged by tandemosity."
You can kick the kids out of the house but you can't squeeze the dad out of the parent. Or something aphoric, anyway.