Mar 12, 2014

What's the frequency, Kenneth? (More bizarre than...)

This does not bode well. A trigger-lock company trying to buy Remington?

Aside from writing like a bunch of long-winded nerds...

("This model, which takes advantage of market trends, technological advances (Most of you will want to stop reading the red print here; I just wanted to give serious language students enough jargon and cant to convey the full buzz-word flavor) and industry consolidations to fuel profitable growth, presents a value proposition that is perfectly suited to the military armament industry, an industry that is heavily fragmented and evolving rapidly toward a RFID/WiFi-enabled technology platform. In this dynamic environment, we see enormous opportunity to consolidate this market with a program of targeted acquisitions, including the proposed Freedom transaction. Technological convergence is the future in the cyber/smart arms arena and we're eager to leverage our proven history of success by helping Freedom and others navigate the transition from analog to digital.")

.. .the predator company says things which make a guy scratch his head. Among its other bragadocci we find:

Global Digital Solutions is positioning itself as a leader in providing cyber arms manufacturing, complementary security and technology solutions and knowledge-based, cyber-related, culturally attuned social consulting in unsettled areas.

 "culturally attuned social consulting in unsettled areas?"  If there is any actual meaning  there, it escapes me. So I'll make something up.

GDS buys Remington. After a short R and D period, it sells you a  a G5 or 6 or 7 cell phone with an accessory clip for a Model 700. When in an unsettled area you can either shoot at stuff if you can remember the code to tell your phone to unlock the trigger. or you can just settle yourself on a lonely stump and text.

UPDATE: I think we can rest easy.  GDS doesn't have enough money to buy the rusted Remington 742 I picked up for parts last week. The release wasn't satire, but it was the CEO's way of crying out for help. "Oh look at me. Please. I am so pretty."  'course, if you want to take a chance, you can buy a share of the company stock for 86 cents.

7 comments:

Rob said...

I've read how at some of the far reaches of this planet people make their own firearms in little shops right on the street.
We are not talking about getting a license to carry or loopholes anything like that, this is a place where everyone has a firearm.

Maybe when they talk of "culturally attuned social consulting in unsettled areas" they plan to do business in the far reaches of the planet?

Stephen said...

What a bunch of horse crap. Let's make the worlds firearms safe from their owners and the street thugs.

Knucklehead said...

Are you sure this wasn't satire?

To Rob's point... If one wants to save children (and women) from the horrors of gun violence (or even gun ownership/possession by other people), wouldn't a more, ummmm, target rich environment be Pakistan or Somalia or Yemen or any number of places.

Go to those places. Then we'll be free of you.

Joel said...

Wow. These people need a copywriter.

I'm not available.

Anonymous said...

At least they didn't say they would be "thinking out of the box". Guess it would have too easy to say something like, "We look forward to continuing Remington's long history of innovation." JAGSC

armedlaughing said...

Great obscure reference in your pst title!

"Viva la referencia obscura!" - Dennis Miller

gfa

Anonymous said...

Yea, I liked that too.

John of the GMA