The uncarried pistol

Out of an essential,  I had to warm up the van and drive a mile to the country convenience store before sunrise this morning.

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My usual carry pistol is a SW 59, a turn-in by a police department which could not tolerate the criminally slipshod quality. Diligent frobnistication has turned it into a fast, dependable, and accurate defense piece.  It generally lives in the vehicle, as does a purely recreational Ruger RST4.

Yesterday morning I brought them inside for a routine inspection and wipedown. I neglected to put them back.

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Years ago I spent a three-year career break in some misery, teaching in a high school. Among my burdens was a hard-luck kid of no motivation, a surly attitude, and an explosive rejection of my insistence that everyone, college prep or metal-shop  loafer, should have at least a passing acquaintance with Shakespeare, Dickens, and the elements of civilized speech. His hatred of me apparently was profound.

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I made my purchase and got into the van. As I started the engine a massively-bearded six-foot-something apparition emerged from behind a black Suburban with something in its right hand. It banged on my window.  It occurred to me that, being unarmed, a speedy drive-off would best satisfy the requirements of prudence.

But this is a small community, my small community, and habits of friendliness die hard. I cracked the window three or four  inches, just enough to communicate. Still, I shifted into gear and held the brake pedal down with the left foot, the right one poised over the accelerator.

Comes the voice:

"Hi Mr. _____________. I had this left over from the box and thought you might want it."


I accepted the rolled Sunday newspaper and said, "Thank you."

I can't imagine the synaptic processes that led to recognition of my old English-hating student.

"Hey, is that you _________ ?

"Yep. Just thought you might like the Sunday  paper, Mr.____________. Merry Christmas."  





 

Set back, relax, and enjoy your flight.

The Iranian-American businessman who forgot to take his loaded  Baby Glock out of his computer bag was a little embarrassed to find it after a flight from Houston. He thought maybe the crack  TSA security operatives ought to be, too. 




 "It's just impossible to miss it, you know. I mean, this is not a small gun," Seif told ABC News. "How can you miss it? You cannot miss it."


But the TSA did miss it, and maybe --- I dunno, just maybe -- I can answer  his question.

Was one of these in the  security queue, motivating the TSA  fellas to lose concentration and squabble quietly over whose turn it was to gape at the pervoscan, or probulate her as a opt-out?  I mean, I'm just askin', here.

"Hi. I'm Al Sharpton, better known as The Rev.Mr. Al. I have some other peoples' money and I want  your gun."


The Rev. Mr. Al's disciples will be at the church tomorrow, cash in hand, allegedly paying $200 - $600 for working guns.

(Note the picture. In the second row down, third from left, is what might be a nice old Smith spur trigger.  Don't tell Tam. She'd probably get all hostile at the thought of it being melted down for a manhole cover, especially before she can profile it as a Sunday Smith.

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If you're too far away from Harlem, you can shed that pesky old Luger in Portland tomorrow.  For a fiream they'll give you a $50 local megamart gift certificate. A BB gun will net you a whopper of a $5  "Burgerville" certificate. Cheapass Oregoniads.

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An idle wonder: Do they promise to turn off the surveillance cameras -- especially the ones with digital face recognition -- in and near the buyback sites?

Mika, you idiot

I've always kind of liked you because you are capable of keeping your mouth shut even when the MSNBC cameras are rolling and because you look pretty sexy making those moues of disgust  at Joe.

But you closed the segment with The Rev.Mr. Al Sharpton this morning by wishing him well in scheme to  "keep the guns from coming into the city and going out."


And going out?  Seems to me you'd be thrilled with lethal weapons leaving Gotham. But, then, I've never been very good at finding the logic in things teevee news personalities say. I'm sure the lack is in me.

(The Rev.Mr. Al was on the show to hustle for  tomorrow's  NY gun buyback.)