I face the future with fear, not for Camp J which will be under the care of an armed house-sitter whose only failings are a short temper, a surly disposition, and a lamentable territoriality. It's the best I could do for next week's short venture into the jungle of government-free Minnesota.
As always, I prepare for the northern safari with extreme care. Sidearm; check. Another sidearm; check. Body armor; check. Case of survival food; check. Most importantly, the precautions include 16-ounce disposable cups in the face of locked-down public pissoirs.
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My intel always includes poring over the Star-Tribune, Minnesota's second most important newspaper*, for the latest danger, and I discover my peril if some happenstance should require emergency admittance to a geriatric facility.
Under a headline shouting, "Care for elderly, disabled starting to show strain," it reports that a storm blew the roof from a Belleview nursing home.
The facility needs state approval to rebuild. But administrator Jim Broich can't get the safety checks required by state law because the engineers who review plans were laid off.
I see. The rain will fall into the old folks' little bed chambers because it is illegal to rebuild a roof without a public inspector on hand to inspect. After careful reflection, I deem this a splendid law. The highly experimental state of roof-building technology requires such marvels as rafters, sheathing, and shingles -- all installed with inter-fibrous friction fasteners. No private citizen (such as, say, a journeyman carpenter) can be trusted with the job, and certainly no owner is qualified to say, "yep, it looks like it won't fall down, so I probably won't need to sue your ass off. Here's your check."
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I'll also need to avoid camping in the state parks. However could I make it without a ranger to guide me to the showers?
Anarchy is such a horror.
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*After the St. Cloud Times, in case you forgot.
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