It's all my fault, of course.
Until yesterday morning I considered my carbon foot print acceptable, but a whim led to catastrophe. You see, that ten-inch willow at the edge of my miniforest was hanging precariously over the lane, so I thoughtlessly transformed it from a graceful Gore carbon sequesterer and oxygen factory into firewood.
(The intent was good, based on humanitarian concerns. Who knows when it might have come crashing down on a van load of my usual visitors -- nuns, orphans, girl pole vaulters in uniform. Alas, my judgement about The Greater Good has never been adequate, so the slaying of the willow was just another paver on the road to Hell.)
Not 24 hours later my teevee weather advisers report the results -- an unseasonable spot of 90-degree global warming a hundred miles west-southwest of that poor, murdered willow and a massive winter storm in nearby cowboy country, a mere day's drive straight west.
As soon at this confession hits the wires I will strip, flagellate myself with a cat-o-nine, roll in the nettles, and otherwise make manifest my shame.
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I am doubly at fault because of the immediate social and political environment. My Great Leader just yesterday, just as I was slinging the Stihl, took time to again explain to me the error of my ways*; my selfish insistance on a warm home, a couple-three thousand calories daily, enough scurrying electrons to power my computer for purposes of anti-government agitation, and even the occasional few dozen carbonized miles in a fossil-powered vehicle.
I suppose I could make a down payment on redemption by planting a new tree. The trouble with that is the deer, who would eat it. We have a rule that Bambi belongs to the people as a whole,even though the environmental havoc he wrecks is the personal and inviolable concern of the private citizen. This last point once confused me, so I asked the leaders of our Department of Natural Resources about it. They responded with a crystal clear statement: "Shut up and do what we say."
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*He's not too hot at moral persuasion of Putin, but by God he's Hell on wheels when it becomes time to make callous arseholes like you and me feel guilty.
5 comments:
As if your vast, negative impact on the environment as a whole, climate change, and weather a mere state or two away, you're now gonna burn a big heap of TERRIBLE firewood.
Yeesh! Willow isn't fit for a firepit let alone a house warming, carbon spewing, fireplace or wood stove.
Back in the days wehen we were still fighting off the coming ice age I tried burning the willow that fell over due to a near-hurricane (those things that have only happened in the last few years in the mid-atlantic/northeast except, of course, for when they happened in the 30s, 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s).
What nasty burning wood. And its burned off and gone before ANTHING gets warmed.
You...monster! While I'm simultaneously bursting into flame in my own front yard and being inundated by the ocean tide, I will curse you by name.
I have noticed a lot of publicity about climate change the last couple of days, most of it alarming.
'They' have not yet told me how much I need to pay to stop it.
I'm waiting.
I can hardly believe believe what I've just read... you ... cad! How miserable and unthinking you are... I am glad that I only burn pellets from wood that has been industrialized and made safe by mankind in the form of those little pellets and packaged into 40 pound plastic bag, which of course I reuse as earth building material in the dump, when I am done with the contents of said bags! I don't know if I can ever read this blog again! Oh, the horror!
I must note that Bambi does not belong to us...Bambi belongs to Ia DNR.
Cure Bambi's chronic lead and copper shortage outside Ia DNR's established schedule and one will find that he/she is fined for the offense against the law, and is further financially responsible to the State for the loss of Bambi's value as a tourist attraction.
Only at such time as Bambi chooses to kamikaze itself upon one's vehicle does the State divest itself of ownership and therefore responsibility for the damages.
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