Domestica

1. On the south shore of the big lake is an ancient restaurant called the Gingham Inn. We do not eat there often enough, and when we do I keep forgetting to order the right thing. Last night we fixed that, and I am again reminded that a proper chicken fried steak is undoubtedly what God has for dinner.

2. The Dog Days of summer are a sultry misery to all Midwesterners. Except this year. For the eighth or tenth time in the Premier Summer of the Obama, I am burning wood.

3. Hedge apples do, in fact, repel spiders. Science be damned.

DHA, fish oil, and American geniuses

High-level thinkers have ranked the states for braininess.

Washington, D.C. is included in the study and, lo, is the brainiest because Washingtonians eat lots of fish to achieve DHA-enanced status.

So ends my lifelong awed admiration of high-level thinkers.

DeeCee fish-oilers elected Eleanor Holmes Norton to Congress. Prosecution rests.

Trading with the Enemy

I'm invested in a company which just signed a hefty ($60 million-plus) contract to "upgrade" the California driving license process. The market hasn't reacted, and everyone is asking why.

Hell, it's obvious. California is going to pay us with warrants, bales of medical pot, and autographed pictures of Maria Shriver.

Trained Professional at Work

The sheriff of Polk County is very sorry that a departmental policy was "not well understood" and led to the wounding of a 3-year-old girl.

A deputy took his shiny cop car to a community gathering in a Des Moines park, threw open the doors, and invited all the little kids to crawl around in it. PR and community relations, dontcha know?

The sheriff said the deputy just didn't understand that leaving leaving a shell in the chamber of his racked shotgun, in plain view and easy reach of the tykes and pre-pubes, might be considered slightly stupid in addition to violating departmental policy.

I love it. Maybe it reads: "It is the policy of this department that no shotgun placed in the reach of tiny playful hands shall have a live round in the chamber."

Witnesses say the deputy was chatting with someone while a pre-teen boy was fooling with the gun just before the toddler fell. The boy disappeared. The toddler was not too badly hurt and is out of the hospital. The cop is on administrative suspension with pay. The sheriff is leaning toward lenience for Deputy Friendly because he's a "a very good employee; long-term, senior person, ... who feels terribly about what happened."

My butt hurts.