Herding Elephants V2.9, Iowa Caucuses 2012

(Bumped up again, just for convenience. Also upated with date of Cain's bailout.)

EDIT, December  17, 201:  Because it seems unlikely anyone still on the list (in black) will formally drop out before the Jan. 3, 2012 caucuses, this list can be considered final  in the sense of listing everyone who is, was, or might have been mentioned publicly as a caucus contender.  I relegate it to history and hereby grant permission for reproduction, with credit,  for the use of academics who wish to give the impression of having done rigorous and detailed research.  The earlier versions    remain in the TMR achives under various titles. The easiest way to find them is by scrolling through the posts labeled "Iowa Caucuses 2012.)

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Even dedicated political geeks have a hard time keeping track of all the White House hopefuls trying out their pickup lines in Iowa. For one thing, it is hard to find a complete list of the serious, semi-serious,  and loony  trying on overalls and looking for a comfortable hay-bale perch.  So, here's an alphabetical list of these statesmen as culled from published sources, but I haven't gotten around to ferreting out all of the more obscure dimwaddiedoowops yet. 

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--Michele Bachmann, 55,  congresswoman, Minnesota


--(OUT) Haley Barbour, 64, Mississippi governor (Dropped out April 25)


--John Bolton,  63, former ambassador, Bush II's point man in Iraq. (Dropped out September 26.) 


-- (OUT) Herman Cain, 66, Godfather's Pizza.(Dropped out -- "suspended campaign"  -- December 3)


-- (OUT) Mitch Daniels, 62, Indiana governor (dropped May 21)


--John Davis of Grand Junction, Colorado, lumber yard owner, builder (added May 3)


--Newt Gingrich,  68, former U.S. House speaker, Georgia


--(OUT) Mike Huckabee, 56, former Arkansas governor, Fox teevee star (dropped May 15)


--Jon Huntsman, 51, former Utah governor,  ambassador to China


--Gary Johnson, 43, former New Mexico governor (added April 22)

--Fred Karger, California, GOP politcal consultant, openly gay. (Added August 14)

--(OUT) Thaddeus George "Thad" McCotter, 45,  Michigan congressman (added June 24, dropped out September 22.) 

--Judge Roy Moore, 64, disrobed, two-time loser for Alabama governor  (added May 19)


--Sarah Palin,  47, former Alaska governor, VP candidate 2008 (Out. Withdrew   Oct. 5.)

--(OUT) George Pataki, 66, former New York governor. (Added august 25 and dropped August 26) 

--(OUT) Rand Paul, 48, Kentucky U.S. senator (if  his dad opts out).  (Dropped April 26 in anticipation of Ron's formal "in" announcement)


  
--Ron Paul, 75, Texas congressman, former LP presidential candidate


--Tim Pawlenty,  51, former  Minnesota governor (Dropped August 14; withdrew after Ames straw poll)


--(OUT)  Mike Pence, 52, Indiana congressman (dropped May 15)


--Rick Perry, 61, Texas governor, (added June 19)


--Buddy Roemer, 68, former Louisiana governor


--Mitt Romney, 64, former Massachusetts governor


--Rick Santorum,  53, former U.S. senator, Pennsylvania


--( OUT?) John thune, South Dakota senator. (Dropped from list,with reservations, May 21)


--(OUT) Donald Trump, 65, businessman, casino operator, teevee star (dropped May 16) 

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The list will change, and I'll try to keep it more or less up to date.

EDIT: May 5:Red ink identifies those who bailed after having been considered players or possibles.  I thought of just deleting them, but that seems so cold.

EDIT: John Thune was Xed out May 21. He said in February he wouldn't run, but the weasel words(not planning at this time, etc.)suggested he desired begging. No one has  begged yet,  and he hasn't been spotted scouting our hog lots, so TMR crosses him off with the caution that things are silly enough that he might change his mind.)

It's a start, but ...

The SEC has decided to charge some Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac honchos with civil fraud, saying they misled the government and taxpayers about risky subprime mortgages ...

Note "civil" charges, meaning they're just being asked nicely to return what was stolen and maybe pay a penalty -- probably large enough to cut a couple of weeks off their vacations in the Hamptons next summer.

No jail for them, unlike some poor schmuck who got caught lifting a set of hub caps from parked car in Newark.

Look, if these guys profited by lying through their teeth about the value of the junk mortgages they bought and sold, they're criminals. And they have a lot of company in the genteel world of Crony (which it is) Capitalism (which it is not).

My guess is that the guilty total something in the thousands. Together they created misery and sometimes absolute poverty for hundredsof thousands of decent enough (though often, admittedly,  dense) Americans.

Holder, this is the time to uncage your most rabid prosecutor, some brilliant guy with a night-school law degree, halitosis, and a badass attitude. Slip his leash and say sic-em.

Meanwhile Hillary can open negotiations to buy the old Frog prison on Devil's Island. A guy does hate to think of the Armanied thieves serving their 40 years in such a nice tropical climate, but we can compensate by making bug repellent contraband.

Gingrich Gun Grabber

I actually don't know whether he is or not, for sure. The Hell of it is, neither does he.

Newt claims to be pro-2A, but,  as nicely illustrated by Dirt Crashr  Speaker Tweaker, his actions make his nose grow. His center of gravity is a wetted finger in the political winds.

I have a hazy memory that it was Tallulah Bankhead who went looking for the city part of Los Angeles and couldn't find it. She said, "There is no there there."

That's Newt.

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EDIT: Fact Check. Mostly wrong. It was Gertrude Stein referring to Oakland.  But I don't think it alters the point, maybe even strengthens it. I have no trouble thinking of Newt as an Oakland kind of guy. Noisy, confused,  and on the ugly side of the bay.

Ron Paul bats .500; Iowa Caucuses 2012

The debate question was about  electability. Who can beat His Ineptness?


Ron Paul responds:

"Any one of us on this stage  can beat President Obama...".  It's a fine applause line, and he gets it,  a cheerleader effect. (Match a junior high eleven against the Chicago Bears and the school gym pep rally will  echo with promises of an upset. Republicans are  becoming persuaded Obama will beat himself, just like unpopular Harry Truman did in 1948.)   No score.

When things quiet down, he becomes his sensible self again: "... the question is, what do we have to offer?"  Then he trots out the logic which defines him, sound money, and end to warlike nation building in the Sandbox and beyond,  government as a necessary evil rather than dispenser of free ice cream. Bingo. Out of the park, Sir. Everyone who hates free ice cream will vote for you.

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Embarrassment of the night: Rick Perry: "I'm the Tim Tebow of the Iowa caucuses."


Surprise of the night: Michele appears quite sane in one or two exchanges and seems to have won the point that Newt is an ass for patting her girly little head.

Winner of the Georgia two-step competition: Newt for his creative explanation that  sucking a million-six from the taxpayers via Freddie and Fannie is neither lobbying nor influence peddling.

Most disciplined hair and best-tailored suit: Mitt, for the umpteenth time, retiring the trophy.

As usual, Santorum displays the most concerned visage, just this side of tears. As a matter of simple human compassion, we need to cheer this guy up.  Next time, somebody should ask him about muffins.

Also present: Huntsman.