An old man I admire must attend to some business in the Mysterious East, namely near the valley of the Ohio River. So he's mounted the camper on the pickup and is tidying his affairs to permit a little roady across four states -- more if the gypsy urge remains strong and the house sitter is available for an extra few days.
He would anticipate pure delight, motoring along blue highways awash in fall color except for one thing. To get where he's going means traversing enemy territory, Illinois.
Meaning that on the free side of the Mississippi River he'll need to pull over, unload his side arms (one business, the others recreational), lock them in something and stash the locked boxes in the locked camper. While he's back there he'll also case the Mossy turkey gun and carefully separate it from the 00 buck. Next comes prayer that he'll have no contact with armed loyalist forces and that, if he is, the polizei will be familiar with national innocent-passage laws.
He has one other Illinois-crossing regimen. On the free side he fills the tank, lays in a supply of junk food and a thermos of coffee. And he pees. The objective of course is to make the treacherous crossing without spending a single cent, or even stopping. To be seen loitering afoot in that people's republic is to open one's self to suspicion of collaboration with Rahm toadies.
(Five years of having an office at 188 West Randolph Street will do that to a guy.)
Fortunately, Illinois is skinny, and the likely route re-encounters the the protection of the American Constitution after just 200 miles. If the damned place was any wider he'd forget the whole thing and go back to Montana instead.
Sep 15, 2011
Sep 14, 2011
Why We're Broke: The Prick Factor
Next time you write a check to your government, rest assured part of it will support pricks. You knew that of course, but confirmation is always nice.
The University of Iowa gouges Iowans mostly, but , like the others, it wins its share of federal pork, and the art department is spending to display daintily decorated casts of John Holmes pork.
Standard disclaimer: I don't think artists, however untalanted or merely twee, should be censored. I just object to being ordered to support them.
The display is titled The John Holmes Prick Parade, and, to be fair, a university flack says they put up a sign at the door warning that you might want to think twice before taking the kiddies in.
U of I spokesman Tom Moore said ... the university has guidelines about what is deemed tasteful and appropriate for its art students to produce, and this project falls within those guidelines. “There is no attempt to censor an artist as long as they meet those guidelines,” he said.
May life spare me the experience of having to view -- much less pay for -- art which fails the University of Iowa's high standards of taste.
The lady who who created this tasteful exhibition said she saw an original casting of the Holmes Memorial and got to thinking about how a body parts come to commodities. Apparently she hasn't taken biology yet or she would have understood that the life sciences confirmed ages ago that, yep, male members are ubiquitous enough to be to be called commodities; they come one to a customer and, if demographers are to be believed, are rather widely shared with The Others.
---
I know.This is low-hanging fruit and I should be ashamed of myself.
The University of Iowa gouges Iowans mostly, but , like the others, it wins its share of federal pork, and the art department is spending to display daintily decorated casts of John Holmes pork.
Standard disclaimer: I don't think artists, however untalanted or merely twee, should be censored. I just object to being ordered to support them.
The display is titled The John Holmes Prick Parade, and, to be fair, a university flack says they put up a sign at the door warning that you might want to think twice before taking the kiddies in.
U of I spokesman Tom Moore said ... the university has guidelines about what is deemed tasteful and appropriate for its art students to produce, and this project falls within those guidelines. “There is no attempt to censor an artist as long as they meet those guidelines,” he said.
May life spare me the experience of having to view -- much less pay for -- art which fails the University of Iowa's high standards of taste.
The lady who who created this tasteful exhibition said she saw an original casting of the Holmes Memorial and got to thinking about how a body parts come to commodities. Apparently she hasn't taken biology yet or she would have understood that the life sciences confirmed ages ago that, yep, male members are ubiquitous enough to be to be called commodities; they come one to a customer and, if demographers are to be believed, are rather widely shared with The Others.
---
I know.This is low-hanging fruit and I should be ashamed of myself.
Sep 13, 2011
World Premier! "The Virgin Whine."
Of course it is the whine which is chaste, not your author who is marking the approaching autumnal equinox with a domestic report, his first weather pee'n'moaner of the season.
The woodburner was getting ugly, loaded with paper and plastic trash, waiting for a morning just like this. I lit it off and it blazed nicely for about 15 minutes. The bitch is this: It felt way too good.
The woodburner was getting ugly, loaded with paper and plastic trash, waiting for a morning just like this. I lit it off and it blazed nicely for about 15 minutes. The bitch is this: It felt way too good.
Sep 12, 2011
And you probably shouldn't even carry a weiner in your pocket in their territory
Somebody saw a cougar down in Iowa City, and one of our vigilant public servants was ready with wisdom -- things you and I would never think of. Misha Goodman, director of the Iowa City Animal Care and Adoption Center, reminds us to
...walk in pairs in the areas where the sightings occurred and to not let children walk alone in wooded areas, particularly at sunset. If a mountain lion is spotted, Goodman said to stay at a distance and to never feed it.
We should all tattoo that on the backs of our hands.
---
Our crack DNR isn't quite ready to admit citizens actually saw a cougar this time. They are "investigating."
In the past few years the DNR has finally conceded that a few cougars may have taken up residence in our fair state. Before that they usually said people were mistaking deer for the big cats. The argument eventually colllapsed when DNR learned that even us civilians know that hardly any deer have five-foot tails.
...walk in pairs in the areas where the sightings occurred and to not let children walk alone in wooded areas, particularly at sunset. If a mountain lion is spotted, Goodman said to stay at a distance and to never feed it.
We should all tattoo that on the backs of our hands.
---
Our crack DNR isn't quite ready to admit citizens actually saw a cougar this time. They are "investigating."
In the past few years the DNR has finally conceded that a few cougars may have taken up residence in our fair state. Before that they usually said people were mistaking deer for the big cats. The argument eventually colllapsed when DNR learned that even us civilians know that hardly any deer have five-foot tails.
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