Ooooh! We got Rick! -- Iowa Caucuses 2012

Poor Texas. For years it has had Perry all to itself. Now it has to share.

The Texas governor played the beg-me game to perfection, and it probably didn't hurt  that even the GOP establishment -- a group ordinarily immune to embarrassment -- was retching at the candidate crop.

Now, Rick hasn't made it final. His designated spokesfella says he has to send his legislature home, then think about it some more, then go have the healers fix his back a little. Then maybe he'll come and talk to us about hogs and corn and moral purity. Probably he wants us to beg just a little more. 

He began political life as a Democrat. Then, Glory, Glory He Saw The Light and/or Hired a Better Pollster

Since joining the GOP he's been a mixed bag but, in general, just one of your mill-run neocons. Rick will sometimes recognize your pockets are not bottomless,  but he's even more anxious to announce what should be legal and what must be proscribed on and under your bedroom percale.

He finds it worth noting in his Wiki entry that he was an Aggie Yell Leader. Other universities might have called him a cheer leader, but, y'know, Texans are different.

(Personally, and this is just an aside, I've wondered  at this business of male morale boosters on the sidelines.  There are other possibilities, but maybe A and M doesn't have enough coeds with ammo-girl legs. Or maybe they're limiting their T and A  display in order to broaden football demographics down there and  attract more ladies to the sport. )

But back to Rick's intellectual and political qualifications, also from his Wiki piece is this about his college years:

"He interned with the Southern Company during the summer time as a door to door book salesman where he honed his communication skills."

This makes my day so much brighter.

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Your  vital guide to the candidates courting  Iowa indigenous personnel has been updated. It also requires a slight modification to reflect that some of them say they won't woo us. Don't take that too literally. It really means that they'll show up at our door with fake flowers and a box of WalMart chocolates. Cheapskates.

Herding the Elephants -- Iowa Caucuses 2012

(Bumped up, just for convenience.)


Even dedicated political geeks have a hard time keeping track of all the White House hopefuls trying out their pickup lines in Iowa. For one thing, it is hard to find a complete list of the serious, semi-serious,  and loony  trying on overalls and looking for a comfortable hay-bale perch.  So, here's an alphabetical list of these statesmen as culled from published sources, but I haven't gotten around to ferreting out all of the more obscure dimwaddiedoowops yet. 

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--Michele Bachmann, 55,  congresswoman, Minnesota


--(OUT) Haley Barbour, 64, Mississippi governor (Dropped out April 25)


--John Bolton,  63, former ambassador, Bush II's point man in Iraq


--Herman Cain, 66, Godfather's Pizza


-- (OUT) Mitch Daniels, 62, Indiana governor (dropped May 21)


--John Davis of Grand Junction, Colorado, lumber yard owner, builder (added May 3)


--Newt Gingrich,  68, former U.S. House speaker, Georgia


--(OUT) Mike Huckabee, 56, former Arkansas governor, Fox teevee star (dropped May 15)


--Jon Huntsman, 51, former Utah governor,  ambassador to China


--Gary Johnson, 43, former New Mexico governor (added April 22)


--Fred Karger, California, GOP politcal consultant, openly gay. (Added August 14)


--Thaddeus George "Thad" McCotter, 45,  Michigan congressman (added June 24)

--Judge Roy Moore, 64, disrobed, two-time loser for Alabama governor  (added May 19)


--Sarah Palin,  47, former Alaska governor, VP candidate 2008


--(OUT) George Pataki, 66, former New York governor. (Added august 25 and dropped August 26)

--(OUT) Rand Paul, 48, Kentucky U.S. senator (if  his dad opts out).  (Dropped April 26 in anticipation of Ron's formal "in" announcement)


  
--Ron Paul, 75, Texas congressman, former LP presidential candidate


--Tim Pawlenty,  51, former  Minnesota governor (Dropped August 14; withdrew after Ames straw poll)


--(OUT)  Mike Pence, 52, Indiana congressman (dropped May 15)


--Rick Perry, 61, Texas governor, (added June 19)


--Buddy Roemer, 68, former Louisiana governor


--Mitt Romney, 64, former Massachusetts governor


--Rick Santorum,  53, former U.S. senator, Pennsylvania


--( OUT?) John thune, South Dakota senator. (Dropped from list,with reservations, May 21)


--(OUT) Donald Trump, 65, businessman, casino operator, teevee star (dropped May 16) 

-0-

The list will change, and I'll try to keep it more or less up to date.

EDIT: May 5:Red ink identifies those who bailed after having been considered players or possibles.  I thought of just deleting them, but that seems so cold.

EDIT: John Thune was Xed out May 21. He said in February he wouldn't run, but the weasel words(not planning at this time, etc.)suggested he desired begging. No one has  begged yet,  and he hasn't been spotted scouting our hog lots, so TMR crosses him off with the caution that things are silly enough that he might change his mind.)

The Elephant Grave Yard; Iowa Caucuses 2012

Your indispensable guide to whom we sanctified Iowans will permit you to vote for hasn't been updated for a while. It's still fairly valid -- at least as valid as the  hyperactive press prose we get every four years.

(Find what irony you will in the reams of published copy saying that our caucuses are no longer relevant.  If we don't matter so much -- and we don't -- wouldn't it be more reasonable to just shut up for a few news cycles?)

Perry of Texas is making draft-me noises. So is Christie of Joisey. (Perry can be expected to make disapproving cluck-cluck noises about the national obesity scandal. Chris can't.)

I'll be fiddling with the list  pretty soon, maybe adding some qualitative annotations,  but for now it's okay.

Pastoral matters

If the rain holds off for another couple of hours I can get the place mowed. If not, there will be pressure to rename it Shaggy Acres. At least the Great Saturation of 2011 makes it unnecessary to water the tomatos, horseradish, and chives.

And speaking of farming, I wouldn't get too excited about that solid Senate repudiation of ethanol subsidies yesterday. It's part of one of those pretend bills which is going no where except into campaign talking points.  Likewise its death blow to ethanol import  taxes. The welfare queens of corn  will not be denied  their ethanol cocktails stirred -- not shaken -- with a golden straw.

Besides, if you read the reports even half carefully, a goodly slice of whatever money might be saved through reducing the direct subsidies would be re-shoveled into making you finance new E85-ready fuel pumps at the BP station near you. (Boot on their neck my ass, Mr. President.)  One senator called it a necessary addition to our "infrastructure."