Fa'a Samoa* -- Tales of the South Pacific

As my buddy John says, "Oh, this will end well." (John has been known to express himself sarcastically on rare occasions.)

The government of Samoa has decided to shift from U.S.-style driving to the abominably wrong-sided, wrong-headed, left-wing British system as also employed in New Zealand and Australia.

A Samoan citizen who just bought a new car with the steering wheel where it belongs opposes the switch and has formed a new political party to challenge the national government in Apia. (As a lawyer, wouldn't he just?)

It is, of course, vital that His Obamaness the President and Dame Hillary ("I Ain't Bill") the Secretary of State quickly map out a United States strategy on this crisis in the South Pacific. We cannot afford to wait. At a minimum the Pentagon should rev up the complex to again produce all those wonderful jungle-war toys we knew and loved in Nam.

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*A Samoan phrase trotted out ad nauseum to explain to Westerners that Samoa doesn't give a good goddam about what anyone else thinks.

Domestica

1. On the south shore of the big lake is an ancient restaurant called the Gingham Inn. We do not eat there often enough, and when we do I keep forgetting to order the right thing. Last night we fixed that, and I am again reminded that a proper chicken fried steak is undoubtedly what God has for dinner.

2. The Dog Days of summer are a sultry misery to all Midwesterners. Except this year. For the eighth or tenth time in the Premier Summer of the Obama, I am burning wood.

3. Hedge apples do, in fact, repel spiders. Science be damned.

DHA, fish oil, and American geniuses

High-level thinkers have ranked the states for braininess.

Washington, D.C. is included in the study and, lo, is the brainiest because Washingtonians eat lots of fish to achieve DHA-enanced status.

So ends my lifelong awed admiration of high-level thinkers.

DeeCee fish-oilers elected Eleanor Holmes Norton to Congress. Prosecution rests.

Trading with the Enemy

I'm invested in a company which just signed a hefty ($60 million-plus) contract to "upgrade" the California driving license process. The market hasn't reacted, and everyone is asking why.

Hell, it's obvious. California is going to pay us with warrants, bales of medical pot, and autographed pictures of Maria Shriver.