Oh, go ahead and close the damned post offices. See if I care.

Pokey, my RFD postman,  comes by every day but Sunday.  I get the mail about twice a week. It's a gift.

I haven't achieved that self autonomy of Travis McGee who once told us that the true test of independence was throwing away mail without looking to see who it came from. He adds that women never achieve this satori. "They always have to look."

So do I most of the time. Such as this morning. A complete list of USPS leavings since last I trudged the 80 yards to the box

-- A sincerely personal  birthday card from my state rep, bar coded.

--  A Capitol One come-on for a high-limit, high-reward credit card, promising in the large print that I can buy everything I want and fly free in the bargain. I didn't read the agate because I suspect that, depressingly, it says I have to pay it all back.

-- A J.C. Penny announcement that as an "amazing customer"  I can earn discounts and  "points" for spending a lot of money over two separate shopping days. I amazed Mr. Penney by getting a credit card last year (two minutes, at the  checkout) and buying a couple-three hundred worth of Christmas gifts strictly for the 15 per cent discount to new credit slaves. I amazed him further by walking directly from checkout to customer service and writing a check for the balance due-- the prices less 15 per cent. Haven't been in the place since. A human accountant would find this an amazingly good reason to jerk my Penney plastic. His computer programmers may eventually get around to it.

--  A spritely brochure from Congressman Steve King warning that my president is balancing the budget (bullshit) on my back and those of my fellow old farts. King, a small-government conservative, awakens my fear that I might not get as much free shit as I want unless I call to thank him for being a great small-government conservative who makes my neighbors pay for my health care.

--  A  dignified letter from a regional funeral outfit, offering me the chance to "pre-plan" my departure ceremonies. I reject this instantly on grounds of  linguistic asymmetry. The single alternative is to post-plan the party, and, despite some formal training in logical processes, I can't think of how this could be effectuated.

-- Two more reminders that it's open enrollment season for insurance switching. These get pitched unopened.  Even if AARP and United Health Care aren't lying very much, I don't figure the free shit I'm already getting from my neighbors, thanks to small-government-conservative Congressman King,  can get much freer.

-- A cable/net connection bill. Check for rate increase (yep, but small). Then pitch it. Thank you Autopay.

-- The local shopper from last Wednesday which I should read in order to identify the good auctions occurring last weekend.