From world welfare capital

Looking for a reason to admire Herman Cain and despise Newt Gingrich?

Search no further than the land of the tall corn where our economic base grows in rows, where our corn and bean producers have, for a century and a-half, cultivated an image of sober, god-fearing, rugged individualism.

And so they endorse* for President of These United States, ta-da, conservative Newt Gingrich.

Newt Gingrich earned straight A’s on agriculture, energy, trade and other policies measured by the Iowa Corn Growers Association.

They love Newt because he promises to give them all they want of other people's stuff. And I do mean all they want. He is the agripimptorian of the GOP Class of '12.

By contrast, the Row Crop Royalty hates Herman Cain without even referring to off-field boffing. Herm gets a "D" for telling the Corn Growers' Association to put on big-boy pants and quit whining like a 16-year-old unwed mother of three on the south side of Chicago upset because she doan get enough from the welfare.

Our Ron Paul sits in the back of the room with Herman. He also earned a "D" despite not returning the questionnaire. The cornies said they evaluated such refusniks by checking their records and public statements. Paul, of course, has taken several subversive positions, including the radical notion that you should be permitted to put gasoline in your tank.

Just for shidts and grins, I suppose, the corn growers also graded His Ineptness, the sitting president.  Barry got a "B," tied with Mitt Romney.

N.B. -- To absorb the full flavor of all this, a guy should take time to click through the links in the news story and on the corn growers candidate report card where you can read the questions and candidate answers. If the corn growers implicit demands don't read like an Acorn wish list I'll kiss your arse in a crop circle and let you take aerial photos with a long lens.

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* “ 'This is a tool for farmers and voters, not an endorsement,'  (said) Corn Growers president Kevin Ross..."   Kevin, that's bullshit and you know it.


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